I do try and stay within the social norms, you know…well, kinda…but sometimes, depending on the weekly depravity of humanity in the Sandy-Soiled-Well-Oiled Middle Eastern countries, I start to itch, you know, yearn-even, to morph once more into the Queen of the World and have my sartorial say. Heck, everyone else does it, why not me, and yes, I’d jump off a bridge if you said so…maybe…just a different bridge, you know, to maintain my individuality.
This To-Do of late caused by that YouTube “film” Trailer depicting the Muslim Prophet, Mohamed, as an incestuous abuser and No-Good Sooth Sayer should have been seen for what it really was, a very cheesy less-than-B-rated spoof on the religious leader, made, no doubt, to incite the very rioting that has now spread across the Muslim Middle East, denouncing America, yet again, as the perpetrator and vial beast who sits just to the right of the Devil himself.
Yeah, that’s right, the Good Ol’ U.S. of A. spends countless bucks on Hillary and her team spouting diplomatic niceties to and fro to only wipe out those efforts with a lousy 15 minute celluloid attack on everything Muslim and Mohamed.
Are Middle Easterners THAT dumb-as-a-post that they cannot see a cheaply made spoof when they view one? And puleez, do NOT tell me that’s the first and only such attempt to take pot shots at the Muslim religion nor Middle Eastern culture on YouTube or anywhere else…Sacha Baron Cohen, I gather, doesn’t spring to mind with these people? Oh yeah, dictatorial, religious extremist countries probably don’t show “Art-By-Sacha”, All Hail The YTube!
Anyhoo, I was “okay” with all this repeat violence of late because when you’ve seen one Muslim chanting crowd, you’ve seen them all. But today took the religious-fervour cake when Hezbollah entered the fray encouraging more of the deadly same. I saw the crowd, all green bandana-dressed, spouting anti-American slogans en masse and a thought came to me – *POOF* - as if in a perfect dream, urging me to be Queen of the World as I have been once before on B3, me hopping onto their highest soap box and asking just one, teenie, weenie favour of these Western haters:
“Yep, hate Us all over here. Riot. Maim. Kill, over there.
Make Us leave your ‘hallowed’ ground once and for all.
But as We Western evil-doers go, would y’all just drop your U.S. MADE
CELL PHONES into these empty American made potato sacks *here*, as We are sure
in your vile hatred of Us, the possession of said “Phones of Evil” would be the
LAST thing you people would want to own.
Hey, We feel your Westernized pain.
Doesn’t matter if your cells were manufactured in sweat shops in
Communist China and sold in seedy news stand shops in downtown Aleppo, the mere
fact that these telecommunication companies are American would have you all
much preferring bamboo shoots under your nails than owning such technological
bits of Western ‘Infidel’ ingenuity, right?
We get ya. We’re on your sandy soil side.
American interests, companies, technology, ARE Evil as heck, right, so
just drop those cells – yep, those ones that you people use to socially
“connect” on American-made Facebook and such, to be able to gather en masse for
these little Anti-American Do’s you have - and We’ll be on Our way. We
Westerners are nothing if not filthy stinking rich and powerful in our decadent
lifestyle, so that what We lose in your cell consumerism, We shall gain
elsewhere within the week.
We know you’re such an intelligent people that coordinating IED bomb
attacks without those mini western marvels of techno power will be a cinch for
you, and We will pray to your Allah every day for eternal clear skies, so the
smoke signals that will replace your Motorola texting and Apple IM'ing will be
Thanks again for kicking Us and Our technology out of your part of the
world, We now realize your need to remain steadfast in the 2nd millennium BC is
strong and true and Our ease and quality of life was just interfering with your
To Hell With The West sentiment.
Oh, and if you got those green Hezbollah bandanas and placards made at
Staples or Kinkos in Kabul or Benghazi, you might want to look to ancient looms
and plant dyes from now on as We know having any of Our Western “influences”
would dampen your ability to live now as Mohamed once did, you know, when
he had no other technological choice.
Well, by Our American-made Citizen watches it looks like it’s time for
Us to take leave of your Fatwah Following, via American Airlines, of course. We
apologize for the interference and thank you for giving Us that kick in the
pants We needed to finally develop Our Own energy resources so We wouldn’t have
to ship your ‘Black Gold’ anymore either.
You guys have been great, it’s been a slice-of-bacon, really, bye-bye
Yes, *sigh*, Queen of the World, at least for as long as it took me to hack out this post.
Again, my apologies to those learned people in the Middle East who actually appreciate Facebook, Motorola, Staples and the odd Bacon-Double-Cheeseburger at MacDonald’s in downtown Mosul.