Kermit the Frog…MsBurb’s Decades Long Love Affair Unmasked!

KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 12 Yes, Hello, my name is MsBurb, and I have had a decades long affair with Kermit the Frog.
Why confess? Well, you see Kermit was going to leave his wife KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 6Miss Piggy for me but just a couple weeks ago, he told me he had no intention of leaving that brazen hussy and their love child , Kermit Jr. KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 14 He tried to reason with me but I wouldn’t listen.
I broke down and pleaded but Kermit wouldn’t budge.
So I did the only thing a loose woman like myself could do, I black-mailed him. Yes, I’m not proud but he’s a verrrrry rich frog and I’m, well, a gold-digger.
He took advantage of me all these years, kept our “love” secret and all the public accolades went to that wife of his.
Sure, she’s a beautiful pig and I’m rather a plain-looking human, but somehow, all that “bedding” we did had to have been for something, right?
I was hurt. I was ashamed. I thought we could have a real life together. He could have left that pink, pig-pen pest and been with me.
Then, we could have dined in public, I could have stood beside him instead of KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 10 “Her” at his premieres, been there on the sidelines as he taped his Christmas shows…
Black-mailing him was all I had left.
For $1,000,000.00.
Yep, one million bucks, and you know what? He paid it! Didn’t even bat a froggy eyelash! He wrote me a cheque like I was some sort of high-priced hooker!
Well that was the last straw! I had promised him I would never go public with our affair but after he treated me like so much call-girl, my heart got hard and I decided I might as well sell my story for BIG money to the tabloids!KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 1
Well, before I knew it, once my lawyer leaked the story, CNN and Fox and all the news affiliates grabbed the story and Kermit’s likeness was plastered on every every newspaper and magazine cover…
KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 4 Kermit held a press conference where he admitted his “transgressions” but the damage was already done.
Kermit was enraged. He called me on his cell phone and yelled at me for the first time in our relationship. I cried. I knew what I had done was wrong but I was hurt and I wanted revenge.
Miss Piggy went on a European ski vacation with her twin sister and Kermit was left alone for the holidays.
I tried to call his cell but he wasn’t answering. The “public” line was that he was trying to reconcile with his family. I prayed that wasn’t true.
I still loved Kermit. I still do.
This week, Miss Piggy filed for a divorce because of my admission. I guess I’m a home-wrecker as well as a gold-digger but I’m now very rich in my own right and the stigma doesn’t sting like it once did.
Kermit and I have talked since, have made plans to meet, but there is a coldness and a distance felt between us on the phone that makes that proposition seem unrealistic as this point.
He told me quite unceremoniously that Disney had dropped him as their sponsor. That was a HUGE contract for Kermit and I felt bad. His public “image” has been tarnished, for good, it’s hard to say. KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 13

He and his publicist are in negotiations with Mattel Toys and the Ford Company but Kermit’s sponsorship prospects are looking dim.
The stress has taken a toll on both of us and Kermit has KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 8checked himself into a hospital for tests after that SUV “incident”.

The KermittheFrog-LoveAffair-MsBurb 9 x-rays don’t look good.

I’m sorry I wrecked his world. I’m sorry I wrecked his family but that’s what love does to a person and I did love Kermit the Frog.


B.J. Thompson said…
lol...WHAT A NAME!!!


This was "supposed" to be a spoof on the whole Tiger Woods affair but I'm getting "WTF?!!!" emails as I type this...sigh...
Anonymous said…
So when do you get your talk show?

B.J. Thompson said…
LOL, Aine!!!

As soon as my book deal and signing tour are over, naturally!
Spee said…
Too Funny!! I laughed till I hurt. Good Stuff.
B.J. Thompson said…
Lol, thank-you Spee!

That's what I live for and write give the world a silly chuckle or two...

Thank-you for your kind words, you made my day!

Ryan Carpentier said…
Kermit's a plaaayyyaaa- i kid, he's always suitable for family entertainment. A very funny post none the less! :)
Ally said…
Too cute... My college boyfriend's best friend's mother supposedly created Miss Piggy. I believe it too. She worked for Jim Henson for many years. Weird right? My college boyfriend was from Manhattan and was super cool! I wish I could blog about it but I feel funny doing so now that I'm married to someone else. Like his aunt was Sherry Lewis (as in Lamb Chop the puppet) ...

OK, sorry to babble!
Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing
B.J. Thompson said…
Ryan - Yeppers, even the guy-in-green can be alluring, ya know! (wink, wink)

Glad you got a chuckle!

Ally - I pray your "college, boyfriend's best friend's mother" looked better than Miss P!!!

Hope you enjoyed the spoof on Tiger Woods just the same!

Leah said…
Hi, great piece. Couldn't stop laughing the entire time :-)
Kitty Moore said…
That was genius! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Kitty x
B.J. Thompson said…
Leah - Thank-you Leah! I hated to mix Kermit in with Tiger Woods but couldn't help myself...

Kitty Moore - Thank-you for kind words. MsBurb is not often called a genius, ya know?! And I was more than happy to visit your blog - a grrrreat site!

I do not know how to say this to you, but I concur you are a genius not only is in an excellent story, but a combination of reality with a really nice twist.
I do appreciate your comment you make on my blog, but the funny thing is that one I did it on my own. My wife had to work 16 hours that particular day so I could not asked for help to her. So I take your compliments and I do appreciateyour guidance and friendship. Take care and don't let that frog get away with that. LOL.
Aha! Much like the tabloids but at least with some wit. Great post!
B.J. Thompson said…
To Armando - WOW! Then congratulations on your solo effort, Armando! You are really doing much better!

I studied languages in university so I KNOW the difficulties you face...

Hard enough to write a blog but to do it in a foreign language, I tip my hat to you!

To LES ADVENTURES DES CYBERNAUTES - Thank-you for your kind words. If I have to twist a knife into someone, i at least want to do it with a smile!!! (wink, wink)
B.J. Thompson said…
To LES ADVENTURES DES CYBERNAUTES - Thank-you for your kind words. If I have to twist a knife into someone, i at least want to do it with a smile!!! (wink, wink)
Linda said…
Funny post. I like Kermit too... thought I dated him once but it turned out to be an imposter, a frog who looked like him. Since then I have been emulating Miss Piggy, since she is so glamorous and confident.
B.J. Thompson said…
To LINDA - See my response to you on my new Guest Book Gadget in the sidebar!
Anonymous said…
Bet you're sorry now, ya brazen Burbby...

No money to show for it, huh? It ain't easy bein' green...

B.J. Thompson said…
You're SO right, TM...


(tee hee)