So I first decided to ask the question over at the the Blogger Help Forum Coffee Shop, but it’s 2:48am my time and I knew that was roughly everyone else’s time in North America, give or take an hour or three, so I just knew no one would hear me cry over there tonight…
I just finished a Twitter tirade on how childish this Follower gimmick is on blogs, but when I went to her site, what do I see but the number 620 staring back at me…
620?! Are you kidding me?!!!
Granted, I work from home and Jenny is a lawyer, so there’s gobs of business contacts she will have that I don’t.
She likes Cocktails and I like Cocktails
She likes to write posts and I like to write posts
She likes the colour Red while I like the colour Purple
She is a Mother and Wife and I’m Childless and a Widow
She deals in corporate leverage whereas I used a lever once to pry my old copy of the Yellow Pages out from under my desk
She has it all and does it all, and well, I had it all, lost it, and when I did have it, I didn’t do it all that well after all, and never more than five in a day
She lives in an upscale Atlanta suburb, where the pool is always glistening and the weather is always smiling down on her
I once lived in an upscale neighbourhood but lost it all to a shyster fiancé (after the Widowing, of course!) and now reside in a definite middle class neighbourhood with arctic Canadian storms in October
She takes sips of her cocktail in between her paragraphs, whereas I tend to down entire tumblers of the stuff in between sentences
She buys bobbles and shifts from Yves St Laurent and I live in my pyjamas all day, my closet housing only one Gucci dress in which I can no longer fit
She offers wise parenting advice and is a mature Mother to her son, whereas I’m still collecting Barbie Dolls knowing full well that I peaked psychologically at age six
What has Jenny Mac got that I don’t?
Does she personally know these 620 people, and how is it that a guy from Bangladesh has anything in common with a urbane lawyer from Atlanta anyways?
Yeah, I know, it looks like she’s a wonderful cook too, as there are recipes scattered here and there, and all I know to do with food is eat it and charge it to my Diner’s Club Card, that is, when I’m NOT living on Slim Fast bars to lose the 60 pounds that Jenny has never gained in the first place.
Does this girl ever have a bad day?
And that pool picture really took the cake! I mean geez, flaunting that pic to someone like me, a lowly Canuck, with the snow falling outside my den window as I type.
And I bet she’s got the perfect uber-tan too!
Yeah, I know, jealousy is as green as this font colour on B3 but come on, this chick has only been blogging since January 28, 2009!
Sure, her posts total 198 but I have over 80 on Charles Manson alone.
Oh yeah, I know what you’re thinkin’. Your thinkin’ it’s the topic over there on TLB2 which hinders my popularity, that if I had chosen to blog on urbane, universal delights, and had an uber-tan and an affluent life, well Hell, yeah, I’d have it goin’ on just like Jenny does.
But I don’t. And I don’t.
I have an award I give out too, ya know. It’s called the Bucky, and yeah, I know it’s not as come-hither an award as Jenny’s “I Give Good Blog”. But my mind is always on murder and mayhem and self destruction (oh, no, that’s not right, I don’t blog on self-destruction, I live it…my bad) and the sound of an I Give Good Blog award just doesn’t sound like me.
Not that I’m saying I do NOT give good blog, you know. Some of my closest male friends beg to differ in this respect.
Nope, my award is called the Bucky, after the Buck knife used in the Tate-LaBianca murders. Just a coffin gem with lightening strikes for a border, in purple for TLB2 and in green for B3, no big full lips, no red URL, no cute pun intended…(okay, that last one I got goin’ on, ya know Bucky – Buck knife – come on people, that’s cute, right?)
But over 33,000 hits in under a year?!!!
If there is ANYONE out there who can point out the differences between me and this Jenny Mac, would you pu-lease step forward and make your viewpoint known, not so that I too can have a guy from Bangladesh Follow me but just so that I won’t dive into my second bottle of Cubana rum even before the sun rises on this next Canadian morn.
And when I do grow up, I wanna be juuuuust like Jenny Mac; although she looks like a size 5 and my ring size is bigger than that!
(The preceding announcement paid for by the friends of Jenny Mac, America’s next President)
Oh, and by the way Jenny, if you see this post, which you won’t because I do NOT have 620 Followers, I STOLE the above pics right off of your blog, and I didn’t even ask your permission nor did I heed your copyright warning. I did put in a direct link to your site and nominated you for the President of the United States in payment though. I’m truly sorry but that’s what jealousy can do to a person.