Usually I stay clear of wanting a return of any of our dinosaur friends.
I just have no desire to, say, see a bird the same size as a 747.
And I’m middle-aged now, so out-running a T-Rex is probably not going to happen.
But today, I think I’m finally longing for the return of just one of these ancient critters, the, and I quote, “Tatankacephalus cooneyorum” (geez, why do palaeontologists have to make these names so darn difficult, why not just call him “Bob Smith #42”???).
This four-legged dude is jam-packed with thousands of tiny armour-platted, well, plates, like a ginormous turtle slowly going about his business, with the capacity of hiding inside himself at the first hint of unwanted attention, say, from a slobbering T-Rex who thinks this living 20 foot long Hum-V could be tasty.
When I took my first look at this extinct being, I said to myself, (yeah, talking to oneself is the first sign of old age/lunacy, so what’s your point?!) “Self, Man, this is what we need in those baron hills on the Afghan/Pakistan border!”
Can you see what I’m seeing? Okay, you can’t so here it is…
This low-lying Quadra-ped could amble up and down those hillsides, totally impervious to RPGs and gunfire, swishing its clubbed tail and whacking to death any/all of those bed-sheet wearin’ jihad freaks which call those hills their home.
Yep, “Harold Hummer” (yes, I’ve now re-named him…easier to spell, more appropriate a name if ya ask me! but I’m no palaeontologist!) could roam those hillsides and maybe be voiced activated trained, so our tiny human-sized generals could install a set of ginormous earphones on this critter and bark orders at Harold, like, “Turn Left!” “Swing That Tail!”, “Duck and Cover! Duck and Cover!” kinda like the eye-laser driven missiles on American aircraft.
If a whole hoard of those jihadists came out of a cave, Harold could just be ordered to open his mouth and swallow them whole, despite being a devout vegetarian giant. Yeah, I’m sure jihadists are pretty dry and crunchy but maybe he could swallow some farm animals afterwards to compensate for those tough and chewy war-mongers.
Yeppers, Harold Hummer, we could use you right now.
Maybe if we could find and bring back to life a Harriet Hummer, you know, a shapely female version of Harold, the US army could breed them and have little new-born Hummerettes invade Iran while they’re at it, gobbling Iran’s leadership crones and any/all nuclear energy/bombs that were found lying around in that closed-off country. Sure, the Hummerettes would glow in the dark from ingesting nuclear fuel rods but Hell, that would just make tracking them a whole lot easier!
Yep, it’s official, Burb is wishing for a Harold & Harriet Hummer dinosaur come-back.
I believe the boys who are going to die tomorrow over there may be wishing the same thing.
UPDATE: I guess I was half right...we could have used him at Fort Hood the other day!!!